Getting the Most Out Of Mediation: Know Your Goals and Act Accordingly

As a mediator, I am often asked by my lawyer colleagues about the mediation process and how they can best utilize it in the most successful way for their clients and themselves.  While there are many tips and tricks to getting the most out of the mediation process (many of which I will explore in future posts), it all boils down to one key message: know your goals for mediation and then make a plan to participate in the process to best achieve those goals. 

As with most things in life, once you understand what it is you want, you can then make the best decisions to work towards getting what you want.  Mediation is no different, and the most successful mediation advocates understand this.

Here are some concrete examples based on four common goals parties seek to achieve in the mediation: resolution of a conflict; information gathering and sharing; repairing a relationship; and getting closure.

1)      Conflict Resolution

On the most basic level, this is the point of engaging in mediation.  As a process, mediation can be the most effective tool you have to get a meaningful resolution to your (or your clients’) problems.  But in order to best utilize this process, you have to be as clear as you can be about what it is you want to see happen.

·         Make sure you have a clear understanding of the underlying conflict and the mediation process. 

·   If you have any questions, make sure to ask them and get the answers you need to make the best decision about resolution.

·         Be clear on what it is you want. 

·   What is it going to take to resolve this issue?  What do you need to feel like the problem has been fixed?

·         Be aware of what you can do and are willing to do to get this conflict resolved.

·         Come with the appropriate authority to settle. 

·   Nothing is more frustrating for a party to reveal a few hours into mediation that they do not have the appropriate authority to talk about the terms necessary to settle a conflict. 

·   Make sure you come prepared to make any agreements to fix your problems, and be upfront with the scope of settlement you have.

2)      Information Gathering and Sharing

The fluidity and openness of the mediation process creates useful opportunities for the parties to get a better sense of what is really going on.  If your primary goal is to get more information about the conflict itself, what the other side is thinking, or what the other side is looking for, then use the following framework to prepare for a useful mediation session.

·         Be clear on what you do understand about the situation that brought you to mediation, then identify the information you still need from the other party to help you make an informed decision about your conflict.

·         Be prepared to engage in active listening to fully process and understand what information the other side has to share.

·         Use the mediator to share information and gather information from the other side.  Work with the mediator to get your questions answered.

·         Be open to returning for another session to use this newfound information to craft a resolution.

3)      Repairing a Relationship

An extremely common, but often overlooked, use of the mediation process is to create a space to bring parties in conflict together to help repair their relationship.  This is the focus in a number of workplace disputes I mediate, especially when issues arise between management and employees.  The goal of repairing a relationship also often comes to the forefront in business negotiations, contractual disputes, domestic issues and neighbor disputes.  Take some time to see if addressing relationship issues is at the core of your conflict; if it is, mediation can be an extremely effective way to fix relationship problems.

·         Come into the process prepared to listen to the other side.

·   Try to see where the other side is coming from.

·         Use your mediator as someone who can help facilitate a dialogue between the parties and help establish more helpful patterns of communication for the future.

·         Be clear on what you need from the other party to make your relationship functional moving forward, and make sure you understand what they need.

·         Be willing to compromise.

·         Keep in mind any mutual goals you share with the other party.  What is your relationship trying to accomplish?  How can you make decisions about your relationship in mediation to help achieve these goals?

4)      Getting Closure

Another reason people come to the mediation process is because they just want to move on from this issue and move forward.  This is especially true in cases that have dragged on through administrative proceedings and litigation for a number of years, and at least one of the parties just wants to be over and done with it.  Mediation can get you more quickly to closure, if you are clear about that being your goal.

·         Understand that your mediation is about the future.

·   Accept that you cannot fix or change what has happened in the past.

·         Take some time to put a value on moving forward. 

·   What would it mean to you to put this problem behind you? 

·   What is it worth to you to be able to leave the mediation and move forward in your life without having to think about this problem? 

·   Use this information to help you come to an appropriate resolution.

Every mediation is different, and your goals in each mediation will vary based on the particular circumstances. Sometimes your goal will be very clear cut, other times it will be more amorphous.  Your goal may be singular, or you may come to the process hoping to achieve multiple goals.  Your goal may even shift and change over the course of the mediation.  The only thing that matters is understanding your goal.  As soon as you have a grasp on what you are trying to achieve, you can better work with the mediator to get you what you want and need.